Friday, March 25, 2011


i've been feeling weird lately. lots of death happening this year. nobody that close to me, but a bunch of acquaintances who are close. i feel like death is always lingering around, hovering close but it hasn't snatched anyone i care deeply about yet.

what's going on in japan is deeply disturbing. the radiation leaking out to the rest of the world. when i look to my future, it seems bleak. what will the world be like when i'm 40? everything is happening so quickly and i'm scared.

the things that bring me joy are school, painting and dancing. but i need to go wild. i need to let loose and let go and just LIVE. i feel like i've just been in a bubble of worry, anxiety and fret. i need to burst out of it.

i need my friends.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

 this is a painting i just started. oil on canvas, 24x30
 today after work, i went to visit little james.
and little james' mom, who's my best friend. 
and little james' dad.

and i've been trying to not go insane and keep a level head and remember to breathe. 

Friday, March 11, 2011


my last assignment in painting class was to choose one or two expressionist painters, and "borrow" elements from their style and apply it to our painting of two nudes. i chose the artist alice neel.

on thursday, we had the critique. we each had to get up in front of the class and explain which painter's style we copied, and what elements we took and used in our paintings. then the class made comments. then we clapped at the end of each critique, which is a nice and maybe slightly silly touch. i was the second to last person to go, and right after i hung mine up, rick, the teacher, had this ear-to-ear grin on his face and said, "for this one, let's just clap before the critique as well," hahaha!!! so the whole class clapped before my critiqe even began! and it was just kind of this high moment. and it was weird, because it all happened so fast and in a blur, but while they were clapping, i was getting the alice neel pictures i used as a reference, at that moment i banged my finger pretty bad, and it's all black and blue under the nail bed. it was such a weird moment, like it was grounding or something. like wabi-sabi. like, this moment would've been too perfect if i didn't bang my finger right then. but i couldn't deal with it right then, so i just sucked it up as part of the experience. and the critique was such an amazing success, i was so surprised. basically only one guy had a critique (the navels were too dark), but nobody agreed with him. HAHA. the teacher even liked the signature i added. he had this ecstatic smile on his face the whole time while looking at it, and he commented that he liked how my "naive" signature is so proudly displayed on the bottom, HAHA.