Sunday, April 22, 2012


this semester has been looooooong. but at the same time i can't believe it's almost over. although, at this particular moment in time, i can't believe it's still dragging on and on. i have been ready to be done since the beginning. i think this semester has by far been my most challenging.

the main reason is burn-out. i feel like i haven't had any kind of actual break since last summer. i mean, obviously i had no school during winter break, but it was during that time that i was going through a particularly stressful time at work (one that i'm just now on the verge of recovering from, i feel). i've been pretty lucky, because taking two classes and working full time has been relatively easy to balance, up til now. somehow i've managed to get straight As. but this semester is different.

i gave up the notion that i'd continue my straight A streak a long time ago. my paintings feel mostly uninspired this semester, and there has been more than one occasion where i have to slap an idea together and bang out a painting that i feel apathetic about in order to keep up with the assignments. mostly i'm ok with that, because i don't feel like beating myself up over it is going to do me any good. things aren't going to be smooth sailing 100% of the time and i have to account for hard times. and so i'm giving myself some slack.

but it's interesting, because at the same time, in many ways i feel like this has been a very successful semester. i applied for and got into the juried multi-school student art show for the first time, and i won an award. i hung up a piece i painted this semester in another student art show, and sold it (i'm not sure to whom, which only adds to the excitement--someone who doesn't even KNOW me likes my work). and on top of it all, i have a show coming up in july at the local art store.

the fact that i'm incredibly grateful for all these things somehow doesn't stop the fact that I. AM. TIRED. i cannot wait for the day when i don't have to work or go to school or do ANYTHING i don't feel like doing for more than a couple days. sky and i are planning a vacation in july--usually we like to travel someplace new every summer (this year we're thinking florida where he has friend) but honestly, just hanging out at home and not rushing from point A to point B sounds like a luxury to me.

meanwhile i have to write a draft of a paper about my last painting--and i just CANNOT seem to get myself to just DO it. just psyching myself up to do it is exhausting. but i have to. i have to. COME ON MARICLARE, YOU CAN DO IT.

on that note, i'm going to bed.

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