parallels

this semester has been looooooong. but at the same time i can't believe it's almost over. although, at this particular moment in time, i can't believe it's still dragging on and on. i have been ready to be done since the beginning. i think this semester has by far been my most challenging.

the main reason is burn-out. i feel like i haven't had any kind of actual break since last summer. i mean, obviously i had no school during winter break, but it was during that time that i was going through a particularly stressful time at work (one that i'm just now on the verge of recovering from, i feel). i've been pretty lucky, because taking two classes and working full time has been relatively easy to balance, up til now. somehow i've managed to get straight As. but this semester is different.

i gave up the notion that i'd continue my straight A streak a long time ago. my paintings feel mostly uninspired this semester, and there has been more than one occasion where i have to slap an idea together and bang out a painting that i feel apathetic about in order to keep up with the assignments. mostly i'm ok with that, because i don't feel like beating myself up over it is going to do me any good. things aren't going to be smooth sailing 100% of the time and i have to account for hard times. and so i'm giving myself some slack.

but it's interesting, because at the same time, in many ways i feel like this has been a very successful semester. i applied for and got into the juried multi-school student art show for the first time, and i won an award. i hung up a piece i painted this semester in another student art show, and sold it (i'm not sure to whom, which only adds to the excitement--someone who doesn't even KNOW me likes my work). and on top of it all, i have a show coming up in july at the local art store.

the fact that i'm incredibly grateful for all these things somehow doesn't stop the fact that I. AM. TIRED. i cannot wait for the day when i don't have to work or go to school or do ANYTHING i don't feel like doing for more than a couple days. sky and i are planning a vacation in july--usually we like to travel someplace new every summer (this year we're thinking florida where he has friend) but honestly, just hanging out at home and not rushing from point A to point B sounds like a luxury to me.

meanwhile i have to write a draft of a paper about my last painting--and i just CANNOT seem to get myself to just DO it. just psyching myself up to do it is exhausting. but i have to. i have to. COME ON MARICLARE, YOU CAN DO IT.

on that note, i'm going to bed.

SOLD!

it is sort of funny how selling this came to pass. our classmate fernando called sky one day to ask him if he had anything he wanted to put up in a student art show at school that i actually had no idea about, and i happened to be at home on break from work at that moment. sky said no, but that i might, and handed the phone to me. so it was a spur-of-the-moment decision in which i told fernando to hang up my triangle painting. he then asked if there was a price i'd like to sell it for. scrambling for a number in my mind, i said, "how about $200?"

later that day, he sent me a message on facebook basically saying, "how about $300? there's a lot of paint on this and it's really fine work." so i said "sounds good to me!"

about a week later, one of the drawing teachers came and found me and said, "someone is interested in buying your piece. are you willing to bring the price down to $200?"

"sure!" i said.

"any lower than that?"

"...i don't think so. i spent a lot of time and paint on it."

so a week or two went by, and i thought that maybe whoever wanted to buy it lost interested, but it was nice to know at least someone was interested. then the other day, she came up to me again and said it sold for $200! i was thrilled! especially because i think only me and maybe one other person actually sold something in the show.

this leads me to think....hey... the more paintings i do... the more i'll sell! and so i must keep producing. produce, produce, produce.

Catsy

Imperfect

Something I hope people who commission me to paint themselves or their loved ones realize is this: I don't paint people to make them look flawless or beautiful. I paint people to distort them based on their character and to even highlight imperfections. This is why I feel like the people who like my portraits least are the people I've painted. (I don't know this to be fact--but I do suspect it.)
"Beauty" is boring to me. What I personally find beautiful is what makes each of us US. What quirks and flaws we each have. It's beyond me why we try to cover these things up and hide ourselves behind masks. We're all fucking beautiful, and fucking FUCK what society says. OK???

Portrait Painting

I'm not exactly sure how to even word this. But when I paint people's portraits, I feel like ... like I'm bonding with them in a weird way. It's really creepy actually. Like this has happened with literally every portrait I've painted, where I get into this weird zone where it's just me and this person I'm painting, even though it's from a photo and that person is not actually there with me. I almost get into their head-space. But it's like, wtf? How the hell do I know what's in their head-space? I don't know, but all I can say is that it's like I almost become psychically aware of some other element of this person. Some other mysterious element. It's weird.